About what is ahead. We all go the way of the Dodo, right? That’s not what’s on my mind these days. I’ve had to accept my situation a lot earlier than I had planned (and it’s not really my plan anyway). I’m the youngest and felt good enough to last till at least 92! 
But what’s eating at me is I’m more alone (and lonely) than I expected to be at this time of my life or in my present situation. Especially since I married into a family (at the young age of 39) that seemed to welcome me into their bosom with all the love I expected if I ever found that special someone to marry. You see, of all the siblings, I was the only one who hadn’t married. Now I hadn’t planned it that way as I did have the opportunity several times to do so, but just never took that extra step.
Dara married first and on January 31, 1971, she had a beautiful baby girl named Bridgette Elizabeth Worrell. Unfortunately she married the wrong man, who beat her, and during Bridgette’s first year moved back in with our mom. I didn’t find out why for a while and it was a good thing as I was prepared to do a lot worse to him. She grew into a very beautiful woman and for a time we were friends. I would hang out with her at her mom’s house as she had a pool. (As far as I know, she still lives with her mom and as of this writing, she is 41.) Her feelings changed (my marriage?) and won’t communicate with me as to what happened, when or why and her mother, who may know, won’t tell me either and I have to respect that even though it tears me up inside.
David married next (I could have this backwards with Dane as he married overseas so am not sure of the exact dates) to a girl he met after we moved to VA. Of us three boys, he was the handsome one so it’s no surprise he did marry, especially since he had no trouble getting a girl if he didn’t want to be alone. He was just born that way. 
Dane had joined the Navy. I don’t think he finished college (Ursinus) but he was close and like me, our mother couldn’t afford to pay his tuition so he joined up (and I want to say for 6 years - Dave joined the AF in May of ‘71 and I followed in June (3 weeks after I had graduated from Patton)). He married while he was stationed in Korea (he worked on crypto and radar – meaning he was smart in the way of math (yeah, he had gotten that gene) so he had a good job, and probably a good future. After 2 years of training in Virginia, he went first to Korea and then to Alameda in CA. It was about this time I moved to Oakland (across from B.A.R.T. and attended Laney College where I went on the G.I. Bill for 18 months) thinking I had a job working with David in Sept ‘75 (but I think Dane arrived earlier). I met his wife twice - once at their apartment, which she cleaned out during one of his deployments, and once in Daly City to deliver the divorce papers. (He actually bought a book and did it himself!)
Back to my story - in Nov. ‘08, six months after I started using a wheel chair full time, about 3 months after I stopped sleeping in our bed (the one I brought with me from CA) (I didn’t want to make a lot of noise just getting up in the night, possibly falling getting into the wheel chair, just to use the bathroom – so I started sleeping in one of the chaise lounge chairs in the living room), and about 1-½ years after being laid off from my job I had for almost 4 years (on my last Monday I was praised at the weekly meeting for the wonderful job I was doing albeit it was from home mostly (but I did attend this meeting); I was there Thursday night finishing up a new laptop for a salesman; and Friday was when I was let go). Stephanie said the following to me one afternoon while we sat in the living room, probably watching the 42” TV (a Father’s Day gift in ‘06 (don’t worry, she got a new computer for Mother’s Day which had a flat screen, the latest O/S for the home (Windows Media Center) and two DVD players, one a DVD-RW)
I’m not going to give in to you anymore
I’ve been doing it since Beech Hollow!
I was trying to absorb the meaning of those words and after a few moments I asked her, “what do you mean by that?” All she did was get up and go into our “office” (which eventually became her bedroom when Bert and Alexis moved in (about Oct 31, ‘09) and took over our bedroom).
A few weeks passed and I asked her again what she meant. (Maybe I was being too patient.) I thought she was happy (except for what was slowly happening to my life, I sure was) as she never let me know otherwise (and we had moved from there 12 years prior to that – and we lived here almost 4 years). Here’s a video about how I felt our relationship was all this time. (Hopefully it is still available and you may need to use Internet Explorer to view.)
I had some time to consider all this. If she wasn’t happy, was that before or after we went to the bank to try to get a loan to build a house in Westfield? (We picked this town because it was between both our jobs (I worked at CBSI in Sheridan and she worked at Cutler-Hammer in Castleton) and their school system seemed top-notch for Liz, who was about to enter the 9th grade.) I wound up using my G.I. Bill (which had no down payment) as she said she had bad credit. And further, if she still was unhappy, how come we moved to Zionsville to what proved to be a money pit (which we suspected)? If I had any idea she was unhappy all these years, why would I sell my house to use as a down payment with someone who says they were unhappy and had been unhappy all this time?
Even when we would have to figure out what to do about our latest situation, we would talk. If it involved Liz, we would talk it over but she would usually deliver the news. (I could deliver it but she just had a knack. Mothers are like that aren’t they?) For example
- Liz would come to the dinner table, eat and then say she had a stomach ache. Going to her room to lie down. She would be still for about 5 minutes and then she would be up watching TV and maybe laughing at whatever she was watching. After doing this a few times, I told Stephanie she should talk to her since white lies can lead places she may not really want to go. She may not even realize this is not ok. Maybe even find out why she’s doing it or feel that she needs to do it, cause she sure didn’t need to with us.
- She said she was into Sunflowers so we planted some outside her bedroom window. She took care of them but after a week or so she stopped, causing her mom or me to take over. No big deal but we did plant them for her, if for no other reason than to get her out of her room, which she was spending more and more time in. She did read a lot but a computer, cable (HBO), VCR and a phone may have been too much. Can’t say if she was spoiled but it was important that she have all the amenities. After all she did keep up her grades.
- She lost her job at Walmart. No big deal as we both have lost jobs before, even ones we wanted. We’ll certainly help her find another if that’s what she wants. She was working to help with her college tuition, even though we didn’t as yet know where that college was.
- She was in a car accident where she rear-ended another car. It was raining and she may not have understood what “safe following distance” meant. We took care of it and she was sufficiently embarrassed which was a good lesson for her.
- She spilled some glue on the floor in her room. I think it was for a school project (but not real important). She was embarrassed to say anything but we took care of it so it wouldn’t become a problem for her or get bigger as time went on. I didn’t want to have the carpet replaced if we ever sold the house (which I wound up doing anyway a few years later on our realtor’s advice).
- When she ran off with her boyfriend (Nathaniel) in 'May of ‘01 on Memorial Day weekend, she took the car we lent her for college and some other property that she had at school; we would have given her all that in the future as she attained some goals. Calling the police, we found out that if they went after the car, whoever had it would be arrested and this would become part of their permanent record. We decided not to pursue this and said goodbye to the officer. We found her anyway living in Columbus, just using a different way.
- About a year after that she drove this car into the ground. (Changing the oil and other upkeep usually helps.) She came to her mom to have her cosign a loan for a new car, and against my better judgment, got it and became the proud owner of a Ford Escort (thanks to her daddy at the dealership). A week or two later, she was driving in the rain and rear-ended a truck, totaling her new car. We then found out a few days later that there was some snafu regarding her full coverage insurance and now she owed the dealership for the full price of the car (about $15,000). Well, since she didn’t have any money, the cosigner was now on the hook. We tried to take the insurance company to court as Liz swears she did all she needed to do. The insurance agent conveniently “retired”, so we wound up at a dead end. I don’t remember how much we paid but we started making payments. This caused considerable tension and after a few more boyfriends, Liz wound up moving to Chicago. I think I visited her once or twice but in the Spring of ‘04 was when I started feeling the affects of what I was to find out 3 years later was an incurable, untreatable disease (called MSA). After 8 years, I am disabled, dependent on the good nature of those around me, which is usually very lacking these days, and just hanging around for my final countdown.
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