Drs. Visit

I had my “annual” visit yesterday.  This is a request from my disability insurance company.  I get the same answer from Dr. Pascuzzi – probably genetic but not much that can be done at this time.

There were none last visit but this time there were 2 interns.  I don’t remember their names but I do remember their faces (a problem I’ve struggled with forever) but I do remember what I was asked to remember – tree, golf ball, spaceship.  (The mind can be a weird place can’t it?)

Although difficult to talk, I told these interns what went on when this first happened.  I explained how frustrated I was, at times sobbing – how I was watching myself, and my life, day by day, slowly melt, like an ice cube – and all I could do was watch.

I took some physical tests; passing some but failing others.  I believe they were more to show what was broken than anything else as there is no treatment today.  “Maybe in 50 years,” the Dr. said.  He wasn’t trying to be a jerk but at this time the science or medicine doesn’t know what to do about.  Not being part of either, I would ask 1) Is something dying inside me and if so, is it being killed by something internal or external to me and can it be stopped? 2) Can I take something (like stem cells (from maybe my own skin so there is no rejection involved) or something else) to replace or grow something to replace what may be happening (like growing another arm as one of mine dies)? 3) With all the exotic animals being discovered in the ocean, can any of them help to either stop (or slow down) what may be happening in 1 above or to grow something to replace or add to what is missing in 2?

I wouldn’t mind being a guinea pig either to help myself (that would be ideal :) ) or others so that further human suffering can be halted.

On the drive home, I was asked “Ever wanted to just (she said “end it all” or something like that)?”  I asked her how and she said there was lot’s of info on the internet.