How I think it was or seemed to be

We were asked to write each other by a mutual friend, Pam, who still lives in Tucson.  Stephanie was recently divorced and I was single.  We all lived together in Tucson (although Stephanie lived next door with her boyfriend, Gary, from Indiana) and Pam lived with me, her boyfriend and a few other GIs.  I eventually went to Oakland and they all stayed in Tucson.  Stephanie finally got married and her first born, Alexis (March 27, 1977) came soon after.  Her second, Elizabeth, was born on March 12, 1982.  Her birthday is March 15, 1953 and mine is October 14, 1953.  Kismet?  You decide.

When we started to write, I, at least, didn’t think this would be more than that – pen pals.  I couldn’t see myself moving back into the cold after living in the sun for more than 20 years.  Uprooting my life didn’t seem to be in my plans either.  I had my family, friends and career here in CA. 

After writing for about a year, I decided to take a 3 week vacation and go visit her.  I arrived Friday night, July 2, 1993.  We kissed for the first time as soon as we met at the airport and I’d swear the world just disappeared.  Later Stephanie told me that it was the same for her.  Gee, I wonder what that could mean?

I then met her kids, longer than the 30 seconds we met the first time 5 years earlier.  It sure seemed to go well, even during the rest of the visit.  I liked her family too and I think they liked me.  One funny incident happened that first weekend.  We were at her folks lake house.  Stephanie was downstairs taking a shower and I was upstairs right above her in the kitchen.  The walls were pretty thin.  Her mother was cooking and I was probably more watching than doing helping and she asked me So.  Ever been in prison?  Stephanie heard this and beat on the walls, I guess she wasn’t too happy.  I replied back You mean in this state?  We all had a good laugh and it was mentioned from time to time over the years.

 I first met Stephanie in Tucson around 1973.  I lived at http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&source=s_q&hl=en&geocode=&q=4650+East+Montecito+Street,+Tucson,+AZ&aq=0&sll=39.950873,-86.261937&sspn=0.122646,0.307274&ie=UTF8&hq=&hnear=4650+E+Montecito+St,+Tucson,+Arizona+85711&z=16 along with Mark, his girlfriend Pam and 2 or 3 other AF buddies.  She moved in with her boyfriend, Gary, from Indianapolis and either already had them or shortly thereafter got 2 dogs named Abdul and Zapper.  We all had a blast partying around our shared pool.  We would even jump off the roof into the pool.  One time I jumped from the roof and the path there was via the carport.  I went through its roof (and it had shingles) with my one leg going through and the other getting bent up to the knee.  Undaunted, I continued to the roof and jumped off into the pool.  Not smart as the chlorine was pretty painful to the newly exposed skin.  I showered myself off and didn’t go in the water again for a few days.

When I got out of the service in June, 1974, I stayed there about 4 months more, working as a night janitor at several post offices, before buying a car from a friend, Gary Vissering, for $75.  I had about $100 and a dog named Blue.  I headed towards the East coast, not really sure what I was going to do when I got there.  Not much of a plan to be sure but I was an idealistic 20-year old.  I was looking forward to the unknown and felt I could handle anything that came along.  I even fixed the car in South Carolina using duct tape!

When I returned to Tucson in the beginning of ‘75 I had a few dollars but crashing at Mark/Pam’s mobile home with Blue cramped everyone’s style.  When I ran out of money after a few days selling plasma and blood worked for a while but eventually I landed a job as an exterminator.  I moved into a small house with her sister Brenda and daughter Melanie (6?) but we were just friends. 

Six months later I moved to Oakland as I had a job offer (hah!) from my brother David. 

A Little Joke

we had between us (I’m pretty sure) was if we were trying to decide what or where to go I would say What do you want to do? and she would say Whatever you want to do and I would say I want to do whatever YOU want to do!  Then I would either make a decision and ask OK? or she would give her opinion about my decision and we would go from there or maybe even start all over again.  Don’t all married couples do this?

The Worst Thing …

about all of this is not what you’d expect.  I am aware of my surroundings and feel almost teased that I can’t participate.  I dream all is normal and often wake and have to remind myself that I was just dreaming and not on my way somewhere or doing what I was just dreaming about.  I often want to repair something or clean something up but am unable to do that.  I used to rake leaves as a teenager as a chore or punishment but would love to do it now.  I used to do the vacuuming as my wife never seemed to like this (even now she mutters all the while she is) and I made sure I did a good job, dusting too.  My TV screen or the bookcase it sits on has not been dusted in almost 4 years.  The Rainbow vacuum cleaner I brought with me was replaced a few years ago but even though it’s probably the best in the world, she didn’t care for it and especially didn’t like emptying it so gave it away to goodwill, my blessing not needed.

I have a car but haven’t driven it in almost four years.  My stepdaughter drives it and refers to it as hers even though she and I have never talked about driving it.  Maybe before all is said and done it may not be in my name any longer.  I did finish paying for it before I lost my job.  Does that still make it mine?

I did sign a POA a few years ago but what was discussed at the time was that I didn’t want extraordinary measures used to keep me alive – like an oxygen or feeding tube.  I think that since it has been used for more than that.

If you haven’t surmised, the worst thing about this disease is not that it has robbed me off my dignity and ability to do as I want or need, but somehow I’ve lost the support system I thought would be there.  I was diagnosed with this disease while seeing various specialists and waiting for someone to say you have this and here’s what we can do about it and after 3 years.  Based on what I’ve read it can take a while to come up with this.  A year after this happened I started using a wheelchair to get around the house.  I would take a few steps and didn’t feel I could hold myself any longer.  I was concerned I would fall and either hurt myself or hit my head.  Six months after that my wife and I were sitting in the living room and she said I’m not going to give into you any longer.  I’ve been doing it since Beech Hollow!  My first response was what do you mean by that?  She got up and left the room.  I asked again a few weeks later and she did the same thing.

Little Bit of History:  Married August, 1993; lived at two addresses on Beech Hollow Drive (next to each other but now bigger); spending my GI Bill, I bought and built a house in Westfield at http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&source=s_q&hl=en&geocode=&q=2902+Crosscreek+Cir,+Westfield,+IN+46074&aq=0&sll=37.0625,-95.677068&sspn=32.66491,78.662109&ie=UTF8&hq=&hnear=2902+Crosscreek+Cir,+Westfield,+Indiana+46074&z=16.   and moved there May, 1996 (it was on me as she said she had credit issues but the no money down worked!); sold that house and moved here http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&source=s_q&hl=en&geocode=&q=7596+W+93rd+St,+Zionsville,+IN+46077&aq=0&sll=37.160317,-95.712891&sspn=32.636267,78.662109&ie=UTF8&hq=&hnear=7596+W+93rd+St,+Zionsville,+Indiana+46077&z=16 in 2005 (her mother and 2nd stepfather wanted to move out of the house they have lived in since the beginning of the 70s and build in Brownsburg, not far from where she lived as a child, and we would move in as Stephanie had always wanted to live here) and we now both had our names on the mortgage.

Hmmm.  Now I can put 2 and 2 together and get a result just like you but if there was an issue before we moved to Westfield and surely before we moved in 2005, why didn’t we ever discuss it?  Weren’t we friends?  Adults?  Love each other??  Maybe I’ll finally get an answer before it’s all said and done.  I hope so.  I pray that all will be explained before the other person who would have answers (me) can’t provide them.

My Worst Case of Sunburn

This happened on a deep sea (I think we were a mile or so offshore) fishing outing.  It was a good plan but the first time I was that far away from shore in a boat.  I had my first (and last) bout with sea sickness.  Most everybody who were in the same shape was below deck.  Not sure why I was laying on my back topside the whole time.  I don’t even remember if I had put any suntan lotion on.  After 4 hours, they headed to shore.  Later that night, I saw that my forehead had swelled up like a melon and was seeping, pus I think, in several places.  I was pretty much red as a beet in my whole face.  I remember just using aloe vera on it and probably used a generous bit about every 15-30 minutes, especially when it started itching.  I was like this for several days but when it was better, I sure had a deep tan. 

My Car Accidents

I’m hoping that because I remember all of these that it means I didn’t have that many.  But I sure had more than I wanted. 

=~1972 – Got my first new car.  It was a Honda car and cost $1800.  It was orange and folks told me it looked like a roller skate.  It didn’t have much get up and go (600 cc and went 62 mph going downhill with a wind behind you) but I was sure happy to have it!  I had two accidents the first week I owned it.  The first happened two days after I had my car.  It involved a truck, with a camper shell, backed up into me at a Stop sign

They were stopped and I pulled up behind them.  I guess they had pulled too far into the intersection and decided to back up.  Not seeing that I was there, the coast seemed clear.  I can’t tell you how livid I was when this happened.  I laid into that mother who had her young (10?) daughter with her.  I did apologize to her after I cooled down and felt rather foolish.

That was on a Thursday.  I picked up my car on Tuesday.  Now it’s Saturday.  I was driving on a well-lit street, about 9PM, in the far-right lane of a six-lane street.  A volkswagen van was to my left.  We had both passed each other, staying in our respective lanes, several times.  I didn’t feel invisible as I guess I was the other day.  This guy just changed lanes right into me as though I was.  He did pull back when he encountered resistance and we both pulled over into a parking lot.  He apologized (I think he had been drinking) but said he had no insurance but was willing to give me some money next week at his house.  He gave me his address and I trusted him.  When I did go to his house the next week, he wasn’t there and his girlfriend said he was working out of town and he didn’t leave anything for me.  I got her phone number (they lived outside Tucson) and called the next week and got the same story.  I may have called again but stopped as I was beginning to feel like a stalker.  I did manage to get all the dents out.

My next accident happened in the 80’s with my Fiat.  It wasn’t much larger than the Honda and cost =~$3400 (demo with about 150 miles).  This is the only accident I can safely say was my fault but I wish that caddy hadn’t stopped suddenly to make a left.  I was a few car lengths behind him, going about 10 mph, looking at a pretty distraction walking to my left.  Not paying enough attention to where I was going (I knew better too) and assuming everybody in front was still moving is not much of an excuse but it’s all I had.  I think I wound up paying over $1000 for his and there sure wasn’t much damage there.

The final two happened with my yellow Escape.  One hit me on the right side and the other on the left.  One was in November, ‘06 and the other was January, ‘07.  Here’s what happened: 

1. Making a left at a big intersection with my own light (single column with arrow on bottom).  I pulled into the far left lane.  There was no competition for any lane.  There was a gas station on the corner I was passing to my right and a car decided to enter the street and head to a left turn lane that I was approaching.  I’m not sure if they saw my (Ford Escape) and proceeded to plow into me forcing me into that lane.  As the traffic going in that direction was stopped, I couldn’t make a left but by that time the woman driver was now aware of her mistake and was no longer pushing me.  We did manage to get it all straightened out and I did get my now much needed repairs.
2. I was traveling West on a country road.  There wasn’t much snow but plows were out.  I was approaching a T intersection (with East/West travel being the top) and a plow was approaching from the South.  I didn’t see him slow down (neither of us was going more than about =~20 mph) and when I started to he just kept going, plowing (sorry for the pun) into me as we both crossed paths.  I really thought he would hace the STOP sign.  I had started to steer off the road (to the right) when he made contact and I just missed plowing into a fence and a large tree.  Although my car made a noise (I was hit towards the back of the left side, enough to crunch the hatchback), I was able to drive back onto the road while we waited for the police.  I got this fixed shortly thereafter too.

Josh’s First Accident

Well, it happens to all of us eventually.  His story was that he was about to enter an intersection.  Light was yellow and the Tahoe he was following decided to not proceed, stopped, and when Josh did too, he hydroplaned into the back, hitting mostly the trailer hitch.  Fortunately they weren’t going too fast and except for these pictures, there was no damage.  The other driver was a young man too.  He is 21 and Josh just turned 17.  I told him that at least he got his first out of the way early and he wasn’t driving a new car.  Lemonade out of lemons right?

What I Have Left To Give

Below was excerpted from the http://www.msaawareness.org/ website. It’s almost funny that the worst part of what’s left of my life right now is not this disease. A monthly disability check and a future life insurance policy is all that seems to remain of what’s important about me.  I either can’t do what is said below or they don’t matter.

1. PREVENT INFECTIONS

2. WATCH FOR SLEEP AND BREATHING PROBLEMS

3. BE AWARE OF SITUATIONS THAT CAN AFFECT BLOOD PRESSURE

4. BE CAREFUL OF SURGERY/ANESTHESIA

5. BE CAREFUL WITH OVER-THE-COUNTER COLD/FLU/ALLERGY MEDICATIONS

6. PREVENT FALLS

7. AVOID EXTREME HEAT OR COLD

8. EXERCISE!

9. PREPARE FOR EMERGENCY ROOM VISITS

10. BE READY TO ADVOCATE AND TO COORDINATE A TEAM OF DOCTORS