I Have A Regret But…

When we were kids, and I think our Dad had recently passed away, my brother David started taking electronics from a local store. Admittedly he did get some cool stuff.  I remember mostly a pair of walkie-talkies.  What bothered me at the time is he might get caught and go to jail.  I know it wouldn’t make our Mom happy, our recently deceased Dad happy and it sure wouldn’t bring either of us any joy.  What was I to do?  I wrestled with this for a while and finally decided to let our Mom know.  She would make the right move!  She let the manager at the store know what had happen, returning their property.  I don’t think the police were involved but David did go away to a school called Patton.  I joined him the following year.  With Dane away at college, Ursinus, that just left Dara for my mom to worry about.  I think that made things easier for her.  I’m sure I damaged my relationship with David but I hope it repaired itself in later years.

Progression of a disease

Spring, 2004 – fell down mowing the yard.  No pain, loss of consciousness, dizziness or paralysis.  I just couldn’t get up for about 5 minutes.  It was like my body wasn’t obeying me.  About four weeks later I fell over in my garage and hit my elbow on the concrete floor.  As that hurt, figured I better see my doctor.

1st Drs. Visit – referred me to a neurologist as his testing didn’t show anything.

JWM Neurologists – examined my eyes and said they saw nystagmus.  I wore weird looking goggles that blocked out all light but they could still see my eyes.  Their cure for that was barrel rolls (look for this on this page – what they did when I would visit).  They (used two people) would turn me once; on a Friday; had soft wrap around my neck (just to remind me to keep my head still and up); stayed in a lounge chair until Sunday when I could remove wrap and do everything I normally did.  Did this about once/month but after a few visits, stopped for almost 6 months as I was sneezing a lot (allergies?).  When that stopped, continued treatments.  On last treatment, no wrap was used as other patients showed no change.  I could do all activities normally after treatment.  Said my nystagmus was gone.  I could resume any normal activity.  I proceeded to mow the lawn with the same results as before.

Referred to a heart specialist – he did treadmill and other tests.  All seemed fine.  The tilt table test was not good for me.  I don’t remember the test being more than about 15 minutes and I do remember speaking to the technician during the test discussing the weather and such.  I asked something and then my limbs felt weird.  Like I was getting an electrical shock all over.  I think I passed out.  A few seconds later I was returned to a horizontal position and immediately woke up.

Referred to a spine specialist (was something wrong with those nerves) – nothing conclusive found.

Referred back to JWM – saw various doctors and technicians (even the J, W. or M; I forget now) – one technician wanted to check my nerve endings with a probe that delivered a shock each time he touched one (or was it just me).  As I felt it strongly, I suggested they could mark me down as being ok in this area.  He wanted to do more over my protests.  I think he enjoyed my squirming.  A few days later I received a certified letter from JWM (at least that’s what the notice said).  Since we both were at work, no one was there to sign for it.  On my next visit I was told I was “discharged”.  That’s when I found out more about the letter but was not allowed to read it or find out why I was being discharged.

Referred to IU Med Center – Dr. Robert Pascuzzi – he gave me a few tests and after a few months gave me a name – MSA.  This was end of June, 2007.

POA - How It Was Decided

At the time it sure made sense to do it.  It wasn't until later that my eyes were opened.

Spring, 2004 – fell down mowing the yard.  No pain, loss of consciousness, dizziness or paralysis.  I just couldn’t get up for about 5 minutes.  It was like my body wasn’t planning on obeying me.  About four weeks later I fell over in my garage and hit my elbow on concrete floor.  As that hurt, figured I better see my doctor.

Mar, 2007 - let go from DCL as disabled.  It was that or they said they were just going to let me go.  I was just shy of my four year anniversary.

May, 2007 or May, 2008 - we were discussing feeding tubes and how neither of us would want that done so I/we decided it might be a good idea to create a POA to avoid any misconceptions.

June, 2007 - after waiting 3 years and seeing 4 other doctors, I was given the news I had MSA.  Look for MSA FAQ and that should give you a good place to start.  No known cause, not heredity, no treatment and wasn't even named until the 60's (aka Shy-Drager).

June, 2008 - I was falling down after just a few steps so decided to use the wheelchair full time.  Sometime soon after that I moved out of our bedroom and started sleeping in the lounge chair so I would be closer to the bathroom.  I also figured I didn't want to disturb her sleep just getting in/out of my chair.

Nov 2008 - we were sitting in the living room, maybe watching TV, and she said

"I'm no longer going to give into you.

I've been doing it since Beech Hollow"

Besides the thought "what does that mean?" the only thing I could think of at that moment is the movie Sleeping With The Enemy.  Since I'm sure nothing like that ever happened, I was left with that first thought.  After a moment, I asked her what that means and all she did was get up and go into our office (which later became her bedroom).  I waited about a month (I know.  Sometimes I can be too patient) and got the same answer.  I've not asked since but am hopeful that someday I'll find out the answer.

May, 1996 - We moved from Beech Hollow in Indy to Cross Creek Circle in Westfield.  She said the town had good schools and it was between where we both worked at the time - Sheridan and Castleton.

Typing

I got my hands on a manual typewriter in the 10th grade and in about a week could type words without looking at the keyboard.  I had no idea my speed but I was able to turn in book reports, etc. and had time to do other student’s papers after a time.  I know.  I know.  It sounds like a weird thing to do but I was bored.  At the time, I had nothing better to do.

When I went through the CETA program in 1978 and applied for their Word Processing class, it had been about 7 years since I touched a keyboard.  Amazingly enough I hadn’t forgotten the keyboard even though they said my speed was just 12 wpm.  I had to do 55 in about a week.  I don’t know if it helped but now they had electric typewriters and in a week when I took the test I scored exactly 55 wpm (taking off for all my mistakes).  You see, I tried to get in their welding program, which may pay $19/hour when I got a job, but there was a year waiting list.  I had never been scared of heights and the pay sounded good.  WP operators made about 1/2 that but they started their next class in a month.  Well, when I passed all their tests (their written ones I aced as they just wanted to know if I could add and speak English), I only had to wait a few weeks for class to start. 

I finished a 9-month course in about 1-1/2 months.  (No brag - the government wanted to make sure that all students had a chance to pass, no matter how slow.)  I learned what Pica and Elite type were (you mean you don’t just type top to bottom and left to right?).  I had 4 machines under my belt (IBM, A.B. Dick, Xerox and _____ (ask Gov Perry what it is as I forgot!) and although I didn’t type much faster, most of my typing errors were gone.  I heard employers can take more for each mistake.  I stayed in my class almost two more months.  Why?  I procrastinated because I was told I would have to interview for any open positions.  I was used to filling out an application and asking “when do you want me to start?”  I felt strange answering questions even after filling out an application.  My self image needed shining up, considering all the dental work I had done since the 2nd (or was it 3rd) grade.  I had quite an overbite and speaking publicly was not something I looked forward to.  I was ok if I built up my confidence by knowing my subject matter and after 2 months, I got the first job I applied for at Crocker National Bank in their WP Dept.  We started with 12 girls (I was the only guy) and when I left 5-1/2 years later, it was just me.  I also found out I read what I typed (which included all the training manuals for every banking job) and could see typos on a page (or eventually screen).  This helped me a lot with proof reading then and throughout my career. 

“Accidents” in Hallway

I know she can’t help it but Roxy usually leaves a daily accident in the hallway. 

The pile on the right has been there more than 24 hours.  The other was made during the night.  I’m pretty sure Stephanie and Bert have seen it as she uses that bathroom (opening to right) and Bert took two showers (and gave one to Kira - she rolled in something on a walk).  Unless they both hold their noses and avert their eyes, they know it’s there.  Maybe they figure it can be left since you can get into the bathroom.  The white pads are usually urine soaked as Roxy does both in the house (as I usually have to lift my legs since I don’t wear shoes or socks).  Maybe Bert doesn’t know how to house break a dog.  (You can tell Roxy has been abused from her prior owners.  (She is such a sweetheart tho.))  The only thing he may need to do is use a cage for her temporarily (maybe he thinks that’s a form of abuse) and curtail free roam through the house – probably a week or two.  He seems to do everything else for them.  A pain, for sure, but everyone will be happier in the end.  Bert won’t need to clean the carpet either!

And yes, we have cats who have contributed from time to time.  For 1 cat, I would check the litter 2-3 times/day and if I smelled a need to.  What about 3 cats?  Right now they are checked once every 2-3 days.  I know from experience cats don’t like a soiled litter box.

It would be nice too if Alexis took the dogs out, before she went to work, more consistently.  She leaves for work in what seems plenty of time.  I would say she takes them out about 70% of the time.  Why it isn’t closer to 100% (or at least >90%) I’m not sure.  She demonstrates a lot she loves them.  Maybe she just gets distracted.

I Had A Dream!

Well, maybe not as a Great man once said but I think we all have one or two throughout our lives.  One of mine was to have (or at least be part of) a family.

When I had turned 9, my parents separated.  I went with my sibs to live with my mom.  (I didn’t even know there were any issues between them).  Not far away.  A few miles I could walk if I needed to.  After all, walking to Beverly Hills JHS became easy to do when I started there in ‘65.  Catching a school bus was fine sometimes but walking seemed more natural, even uphill through the snow!

My folks got back together the next year (started 12/62 and ended about 7/63) and even remarried!  (Didn’t know about that then.)  Life was normal again back on Kent Road.  We lived on the end of about 50 homes (I think they were called row houses – today townhouses?). 

There were many memories living there.  Some highlights: 

1. it snowed (60’s?) almost up to the 2nd floor (probably some of that was drift) and for several days we couldn’t even leave the house.  Days later we could tunnel out to the street and from there, to the store.  As each neighbor dug out to the street, they could now get to that store and buy them out of at least what they had on hand until between plowing and melting, trucks could replenish their supply.
2. I liked to crawl up the sides of buildings.  I used a lot the corner store’s building which housed a bar(?) and several apartments.
3. I met Bill Rugh (and family, who lived in one of those apartments, in eighth grade), who taught me to inhale cigarette smoke.  He also signed any doctor slips I needed if I was out more than three days.  I was probably absent from school that year somewhere between 20 and 40 days.  Never did that before (or since).
4. We had a German Shepard (named Sean) who my dad brought home.  He was with us about 1 year; dad said he took him to a farm where he could get more exercise.
5. My father bought a 10-speed bike one year for both of us (well, I think he really bought it for me) as we have the same birthday.  It was my first bike and I didn’t get another one until I was about 45.  I usually propped it up against the house, about 20 feet from the sidewalk.  A few months later I was inside watching TV with my other sibs when I heard what sounded like my back fender (it was loose and rattled when I went over a bump).  I dismissed it and continued watching TV.  Probably at the next commercial I looked outside and noticed my bike was gone.  I ran down the street towards Cobbs Creek Park (I just figured they went that way).  My father was sleeping upstairs and woke after I was gone.  I returned about 30 mins later.  Unfortunately he couldn’t find his car keys and I seemed to be the only one who knew they were buried under the newspapers on the coffee table.  I was about 9 and I guess getting in the car and driving around is not the first thing I think about.

I Have A Regret But…

When we were kids, and I think our Dad had recently passed away, my brother David started taking electronics from a local store. Admittedly he did get some cool stuff.  I remember mostly a pair of walkie-talkies.  What bothered me at the time is he might get caught and go to jail.  I know it wouldn’t make our Mom happy, our recently deceased Dad happy and it sure wouldn’t bring either of us any joy.  What was I to do?  I wrestled with this for a while and finally decided to let our Mom know.  She would make the right move!  She let the manager at the store know what had happen, returning their property.  I don’t think the police were involved but David did go away to a school called Patton.  I joined him the following year.  With Dane away at college, Ursinus, that just left Dara for my mom to worry about.  I think that made things easier for her.  I’m sure I damaged my relationship with David but I hope it repaired itself in later years.

It’s Easter

And I have been enjoying Ben-Hur and am now watching The Greatest Story Ever Told.  It made me start thinking about religion and how it has affected my life.  I’ve been to many churches and faiths throughout my life.  I’ve heard many priests, reverends and even rabbis give their interpretations of the Bible and any lessons they wished to share.  Most of them were pretty good.  Their insight of how this good book can apply today was insightful.  I didn’t practice any particular faith.  Rituals seemed very sing song and meaningless after a while.  I will say that when I paid attention, the sermons, music and general well-being of those in attendance made me feel good about myself and life in general.  Watching these movies has brought back some good memories.

A Real Irony

I went to a boys school in PA called Patton Masonic School (which was originally called Thomas Ranken Patton Masonic Institute for Boys), across the road from the Masonic Homes which later became known as The Masonic Village in Elizabethtown, PA.  I went from 1967 till I graduated in 1971 (June 6th).  I enlisted in the Air Force on the 25th, but that’s another story.

It’s funny that the heated, underground halls I ran down, played pool and marveled at the old occupants who had given up their worldly possessions to be there – I could be joining them!  I figured I was a shoe in since I was an alumni.

Not sure why but it took almost 2 years to get the application in the mail in August, 2011.  I never got to see it but I was told “we’re not sending you there!”  I never found out the why.